I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
