there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
