having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
