You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
