he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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