Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I smell like Dick and happiness
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
