Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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