I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
