some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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