I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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