know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
