What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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