It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
