to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
