u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
