We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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