How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
