Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
