I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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