Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
