Yo dont text me then not text me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
