ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
