well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
