I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
