note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
