my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
