just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
