Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She even gives head with a lisp.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
