I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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