She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize