I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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