Kiss
Puke
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
