I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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