I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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