i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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