He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
