My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize