I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
