Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
