he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
