I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
