i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
