Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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