Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
