Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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