Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
