Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
