the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize