I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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