2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
