my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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