was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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