So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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