I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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