i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we're making bets on your personal life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
