too bad you live with your parents still
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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