I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
