we have officially lost it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
