I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
