She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
