did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
