Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
