it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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