Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
