My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize