just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
