i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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