I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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