Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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