Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
