i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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