I think my fart just growled at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
