His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So squirting runs in the family.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
