He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
