Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
