I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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