I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Screwed.edu
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
