I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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