I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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