we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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