Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Naked. naked and bneed help.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize