the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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