He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where is the hickey?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
