Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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