he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
