you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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