why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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