meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
