remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
