She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
