Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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