I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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