I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize