There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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