What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
