Are we in a gay sports bar?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
