Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
