Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
