im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
