We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
