Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize