I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
