She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
