Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
