I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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